you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
