Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
