Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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