and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
