I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize