You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
