So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
