I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
