Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
