My first STD was from a foam party
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
