saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
