would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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