how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm too high and old for this...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
