and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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