i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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