So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
