Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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