Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
