Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he thought i was a dude.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
