so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up under a house in Key West
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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