Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
