The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
