Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
