i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
