Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
