if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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