i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
