My nipple is on Facebook.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
