Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I want is dick and wine.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
