Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
