I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
