Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
