I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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