He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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