i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
