what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
