I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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