I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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