whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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