This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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