Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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