fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
