My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
