Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
