Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
