My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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