My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
