mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize