My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
