Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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