Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
