found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Fuck appropriateness.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
