It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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