Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think your dad took our porno
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
