God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
