Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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