Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize