Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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