I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I understand Curling. That high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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