I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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