Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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