I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
