She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
