Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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