he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
