she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
