Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
