That's intense
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
