i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
