anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
COCAINE IS GR8
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
