its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
