It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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