1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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