Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
why does every cop we meet know your name?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
