Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
