we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
