if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
