If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
