I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
