sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
