Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
this just has baby written all over it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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