please come you make the beer taste better
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
