I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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