I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
