the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
