i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize