..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
