Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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