One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Randomize
