dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
