I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
