he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
