The best revenge is premature balding
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
