Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize