susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
