since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
